Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Anti-Valentine Contest Results

Love is all around today. So is snow. And cold. In fact, in much of the country the snow and cold may outweigh the love.

Here in Denver, we got about 2" of new snow on top of the stuff that's been lying around since late December, and the forecast tonight is for more of the same, with temps near zero.

So I'm in the perfect humor to present further entries in the Anti-Valentine Contest. (See previous entries here and here.) They are all winners. Everyone gets a snowball!

You Know Your Relationship is in Trouble When...

True Story Division:
  • She tells you she finally realized she's a lesbian. [Darling Husband, re wife #1]

  • Your husband of 8 years, with whom you already have two little boys, says that it's not that he doesn't want a third baby, he's just not sure he wants one with you. [Anon.]

  • You find his diary and read that you’re just "so-so." Arrrrgh!!! [Anon.]

  • You find his "pink" book, with all his girlfriends and their "grades." The good news is yours is the last name in the book. The bad news is that your grade isn’t the highest. [Anon.]

  • Your beautiful, beloved, understanding wife writes a letter demanding you apologize for what she imagines is infidelity--and has it published on the front page of a major newspaper. [Silvio Berlusconi, Rome]

  • Your husband tries to "adopt" some blonde gold-digger; then when she turns up dead, he holds a press conference announcing he's the father of her baby. [Zsa Zsa Gabor, Beverly Hills]

  • A gay hustler tells the newsmedia about your special friendship. [Ted Haggard, 100% heterosexual secret location]

  • For her Ninth Step in rehab, your wife tells you she had an affair with the mayor whose re-election campaign you successfully managed. [Alex Tourk, San Francisco]

  • Fiction Division:
  • She tries to explain the email from with “we all need more friends.” [Darling Husband]

  • Your husband asks you to pick up his first Viagra prescription at the pharmacy because he is too embarrassed, and after receiving same, never uses it with you...or so it appears. [Dianne Ochiltree]

  • He starts dating your mother. [Gina Ruiz]

  • He spends all his time with your daughter. [Charlotte Haze Humbert]

    Anonymous said...

    Wiping snow off face.
    Happy Valentine's Day anyway!


    Kim Stagliano said...

    Sniff, I thought my fictional STD's would win, after all it is VD!

    Bella Stander said...

    They DID win. As I noted, everyone's a winner in this contest.