As ardent fans may remember, I've had three surgeries on my right arm since breaking it--along with 2 ribs, nose, sinus, palate & browbone--when I was thrown off a horse on May Day 2006. The last surgery was in mid-June, when I had the 6" plate removed from the humerus, and carpal tunnel release done on the wrist. (See
I've Lost That Magnetic Feeling.)
The surgery went well and my arm soon hurt much less. Things were going great, though I never regained feeling in the numb middle finger. Then on the morning of September 27, I woke up with my right hand horribly asleep. It took a good 10 minutes for the feeling to come back and when it did, my arm was hurting worse than it had in months. On a drive to the mountains with Darling Husband that day, I went nuts trying in vain to find a comfortable position for my right arm on the shotgun seat armrest, and had to put the shoulder strap under my arm because I couldn't bear to have it touch my shoulder.
A few days later, I went to see Dr H, who did the 2nd & 3rd surgeries.
Me: "My arm's killing me. What's going on?"
Dr H: "Well, you'll have good days and bad days."
Me: "Why am I suddenly having bad days after three months of good days?
Dr H: "Hmmm... Maybe you should get psychological counseling."
Nothing makes me crazier than a doctor (and it's always a man) telling me I should see a shrink. I pointed out to Dr H that the pain is in my arm, not my head. Then he basically told me to suck it up and get lost.
So I called Dr A, the orthopedic specialist who removed the
lipoma from my right shoulder a year ago. Her assistant told me to see Dr B, a neurosurgeon.
Dr B examined me in early November, but he wasn't sure surgery would be helpful. So he sent me to Dr C, a neurologist/physiatrist at the poetically titled Amputee Services of America. (There's nothing like seeing people missing half a leg--or two--to give one perspective.)
Dr C had me get MRIs of my right arm and shoulder. The one of my arm had him concerned, so last week he sent me to see Dr D, an arm/shoulder specialist at the busiest orthopedic practice ever. My appointment was for 1:00 and I didn't see Dr D till after 2:30. Good thing I brought a thick book.
Dr D: "Hmm... looks like edema on the humerus. Maybe the bone is infected."
Me: "Great. Now what?"
Dr D: "Go for some blood tests, then I want you to see....
[ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?]
[REALLY???]
...Dr A. She's a specialist in bone infections."
So this afternoon I went back to Dr A. (She always wears the snazziest shoes. Today she had on cowboy boots of some exotic leather. Orthopedic surgery sure must pay.)
Dr A: "There's nothing I can do for you. I told you that last year."
Me: "What about my blood work?"
Dr A: "Looks fine. No infection."
Me: "I figured as much. But now what? My arm's still hurting."
Dr A: "You're never going to get back to the way you were before."
Me: "How about just the way I was on Sept. 26?"
Dr A: "Never happen. Maybe you should see a pain management specialist. Or go see Dr E, the neurosurgeon. He does amazing things with spinal implants that interfere with pain transmission to the brain."
Me: (No f*cking way!) "I have an autoimmune disorder. Implants mess me up."
Dr A: (shrugs) "Then Dr B and Dr C should settle this between them."
On the way to the elevator, I passed by Dr C's office. Amazing fact: HE HAS TIME TO SPEAK TO PATIENTS, EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE AN APPOINTMENT. So I stopped in and gave him the happy news that now he has to confer with Dr B.
In the meantime, I'll suck it up and get lost.