The Gift that Keeps on Hurting

Baby Bro sent me a link to The Doghouse, a video from JC Penney that cracked me up, though I disagree with the sell line kicker. Guys who've given their female partners dumb gifts (a vacuum cleaner, a tummy-cizer) or said dumb things ("Your mom looks hot in a bikini") have to do time folding a mountain of socks and towels.

The video reminded me of a not-so-funny incident on my 30th birthday. The Ex "didn't have time" to buy me a gift, though he passed any number of stores between home, work and his favorite bar(s). My parents had thrown me a little celebration the day before, so the no-time argument was particularly lame.

After a storm of sobs and tears directed at him and another on the phone to Mom, the Ex went out shopping next day. Upon return, he magnanimously presented me with these gifts:

1. a bottle of Moët & Chandon champagne (cheap, because the franc was way down);
2. a brand-new hammer in a paper bag (on weekends we were renovating an old building out in the sticks).
   

The Ex took a photo of me with bottle in one hand and hammer in another, a manic smile plastered on my face. The champagne is long gone, but the hammer is with me still. As was the case back then, it hurts my wrist to use it. I prefer the lighter, slimmer antique hammer I bought at a yard sale for $1.