Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Worst Lying Writer of Them All

I've read about the transgressions of James Frey, JT LeRoy and Nasdijj till I thought my eyeballs would drop out. Interesting and thought-provoking as all the commentary is, their misdeeds make little difference to me personally as I'd never read anything they've written. But there is one writer whose lies have affected me right where I live, and I am shocked and appalled that the media has completely ignored this burgeoning scandal.

I am referring, of course, to the person who wrote the assembly instructions for the Target Mission Wall Hook (DPCI #249-06-0660) in oak finish -- now mysteriously "out of stock" -- which I put together yesterday.

Right on the front page, it says, "All you will need is a phillips screwdriver." STEP 1 then directs: "Drill 1/4" hole in drywall and press plastic anchor fully into hole." [Ahem!] Even if one uses the shaft of the screwdriver to make a hole--as I did, since my drill bits are at the bottom of a moving box somewhere--one needs a hammer to pound the screwdriver into the wall. And I have never yet been able to "press" a plastic anchor into a wall except with a hammer. Especially a plaster wall, as mine is.

So, all you need is a phillips screwdriver--and a drill and a hammer.

STEP 1 continues: "Using Phillip head screwdriver to tighten screw (C) into the hole from upper step."

So, all you need is a phillips screwdriver, a drill and a hammer--and a proofreader.

STEP 2 directs: "Hang wall hook to the screw from Step 1."

Very simple -- except that if one were to follow these directions exactly, the unit would be hanging sideways, as there are TWO (2) hooks on its back, exactly 29" apart.

So, all you need is a phillips screwdriver, a drill, a hammer, a proofreader--and a tape measure and a level.

Incidentally, the Mission Wall Hook unit looks lovely in my front entry, especially near the Mission Bench I put together earlier. The air there, however, is still blue with the epithets I unleashed when I discovered that (1) the bench bottom was split (I patched it w/ plywood) and (2) two of the camscrew holes didn't line up (I took out the screw).

I'm waiting for the New York Times to follow up -- or at least the Denver Post.

1 comment:

LucyDog said...

Hmmmm Sounds like Ikea to me!