Mondo Skank

Now that the National Book Awards have been handed out (see fulsome coverage at GalleyCat), I am announcing a new competition: the First Annual Skank Awards.

Conceived by yours truly in the shower this morning, the Skank Awards honor women and men who have achieved the pinnacles of tawdry behavior, shamelessness and hypocrisy.

I've come up with a few categories so far, and welcome suggestions for others, as well as for nominees. First and foremost, there can be only one contender for...

• Skank Publisher
  Judith Regan of ReganBooks, an imprint of HarperCollins. She is the newly announced publisher of O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened, due in stores Nov. 30. Incomparable Washington Post TV columnist Lisa DeMoraes observes:

  And who wouldn't love to find a copy of O.J.'s sordid sort-of hypothetical confession in his Christmas stocking on the morning of the day in which we celebrate the birth of baby Jesus?

  Or nestled by a plate of latkes for Hanukah? I just phoned Tattered Cover Book Store, and they'll be shelving the book in the "New Nonfiction" section. The helpful salesperson I spoke with asked whether I'd like to order a copy. I declined--vehemently--and hope many others do too. In fact, I hope that the public stays away from this book in droves. (Gee, I wonder if WalMart will stock it? They're always taking a moral stand on books and other popular entertainment.)
  
  Proof that great minds think alike, Publishers Weekly editor-in-chief Sara Nelson posted her weekly column four days early. Titled "Reganomics," Nelson suggests that "Judith Regan and her eponymous imprint should win a prize....call it the Most Brazen Publisher award." I think my award is more fitting.


• Skank Ghostwriter
  Aw, c'mon! No one can actually believe that O.J. wrote the book all by his very own self. I hope that the money burns the hands of whoever did write it and, like The Monkey's Paw, brings him/her unforeseen misery.
  

• Skank TV Network
  Fox TV, which, like HarperCollins, is owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation. Judith Regan will be interviewing Simpson for a two-part special, to be broadcast at the end of sweeps on Mon., Nov. 27 and Wed., Nov. 29. Why not on two consecutive nights? Because, as DeMoraes points out:

  Fox airs 'House' on Tuesdays and nobody messes with 'House.' Not even O.J."

  According to yesterday's New York Times:
  

  ...the network quoted Mike Darnell, executive vice president for alternative programming, who said: “This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen. It’s the definitive last chapter in the trial of the century.”
  

  Per today's LA Times, quoting Fred Goldman, the father of Ron Goldman, who was brutally murdered with Nicole Brown Simpson in 1994:
  

  "It is an all-time low for television," Goldman said. "To imagine that a major network would put a murderer on TV to have him tell how he would murder the mother of his children and my son is beyond comprehension." Goldman said he thinks the outrage should extend to the entire Fox network. "Send a message to Fox that if Fox believes their viewers want this kind of trash on television, they must not think very highly of their viewers," he said.

• Skank TV Producer
  Once again, Judith Regan, who moved from New York to put the "Ho" in Hollywood. Per De Moraes:
  

  TV industry executives yesterday expressed shock and awe, and the certainty that everyone in this country would be outraged that O.J. will make big bucks off his ex-wife's murder and Fox will run a promo for the book as a sweeps stunt.
  
  Except for their Hollywood colleagues.
  
  "No, not in Hollywood at all, because we're all whores, but in the rest of the country where they have morals -- sure," guessed one such exec, who conceded that the moral, non-Hollywood segment of the country probably would nonetheless tune in by the millions.

In an endless mental video loop, I keep seeing Dominick Dunne's mouth drop open after the O.J. verdict is read. Fear and Loathing forever...

Scar Strangled Banger by Ralph Steadman