Surgical Fun

Francis Bacon, "3 Studies of a Crucifixion"

Things to do right before surgery:

1. Get hair cut.
2. Get pedicure.
3. Laundry.
4. Shower.
5. Clear reading matter & laptop off bed.
6. Dress for success: warm socks, pull-on pants, loose shirt, slip-on shoes, outerwear that fastens easily. All color-coordinated, of course--you never know where the "What Not to Wear" team may be lurking.
   

As instructed, I showed up at 9:00 a.m. today for 11:00 a.m. surgery on my dysfunctional right arm. After signing the usual endless consent forms with my left hand, I cooled my heels for 45 minutes. So I made good use of the time by scrawling on a piece of scrap paper: "Keep paper & pen by suggestion box." and dropping it into the Suggestion Box on the end table next to me. Later, I dropped in a second note: "Call patients by their full names ("Amy Jones"), instead of just their first names. We're adults, not children. Besides, many people have the same first name." They'd been calling for Bob and Bill, and I expected half the men there to stand up. I was the only Bella, but dammit, when a stranger is taking me to be cut up by "Doctor" So-and-So, I'd like to be referred to as "Ms. Stander."

OK, so I wasn't in a happy mood this morning.

I was unhappier still when the surgeon came by, and after writing "YES" on my right arm and drawing a circle over the most painful spot, he had me sign ANOTHER consent form. This one had me affirm that I understood that the surgery might not alleviate my symptoms; in fact could make them worse, necessitating MORE surgery. It's been exactly six months since I broke my arm; he told me it would take at least another six till we know whether the nerve damage has healed.

Then I signed a few more papers for the anesthesiologist. I felt like I was going in for a mortgage, not a surgical procedure. Which went fine, by the way. I was out by 3:00pm, as predicted, sporting a thick honkin' bandage from armpit to elbow, which has to remain dry and undisturbed for the next 10 days. (Good thing I took that shower!)

For the record, I like being sedated. No pain, no...um...pain. (And the original pain remains , overlaid with the new.) Demerol is keeping the edge off for now, but I dread how I'm going to feel in the morning. Wish I could do as a friend suggested, and treat my body like a car--leave it at the shop and drive a loaner till everything's fixed.