Friday, February 02, 2007

Never Mind the Hearts and Flowers...

No sooner was the new year here than Valentine's Day decorations started sprouting up everywhere. To which I say once again, "Bah! Humbug!"

Don't get me wrong: I'm happily married to my second--and last--husband. But I don't care for an arbitrary, mass-merchandised day for romance, especially when it comes during the most unromantic season of all. Maybe it's my low thyroid, but all I can think of canoodling with right now is a thick, fluffy sweater and a mug filled with a steaming beverage, preferably one fortified with a shot of bourbon.

Book Promotion 101 alumna Karen Quinn is promoting her new novel, Wife in the Fast Lane, with an online contest, with nifty prizes for one-liners, essays and videos summing up the multi-tasking life. One of my favorites: "I was driving to work when I realized I did not have on my shoes; it dawned on me that I had run over them in the driveway."

In a similar vein--though with no website or fancy prizes--I'm inaugurating an Anti-Valentine contest. Just finish this line, drawn from your personal experience:

You Know Your Relationship is in Trouble When…

Here are some to get you started, all 100% true:
  1. He says he’s been working too much and needs to spend more time with…the dog.

  2. He boasts that the sweet young thing he’s been seeing on the side told him that he’s exceptionally well-endowed…then anxiously asks you whether you think she was telling the truth.

  3. Your kid finds him in bed with the babysitter—and she wasn’t even working at the time.
To enter:
Send an email to {bystander at bellastander dot com} with the subject: CONTEST.

I'll post results on February 14th; maybe by then I'll come up with some prizes.

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