"He might be a criminal but at least he listened to his mother."--Ross Intelisano, a lawyer for investors who lost millions to hedge-fund scammer Samuel Israel III.
After being convicted of defrauding Bayou Fund investors of some $450 million (!!!) and being sentenced to 20 years in prison, Israel, "the scion of a wealthy New Orleans family," staged a fake suicide off the Bear Mountain Bridge with the aid of his girlfriend. (Ooh, bad move! She's in a universe of trouble now.) Then he went on the lam for a month at an RV park in Massachusetts. But after talking to his mom, Israel turned himself in to police--though he had trouble finding a station that was open full-time.
Read all about it in the NYT: Fund Manager Who Faked His Suicide Surrenders.
In honor of Mrs. Israel, I declare a four-day moratorium on Jewish mother jokes.