Saturday, October 20, 2007

Shouldn't

As I wrote in the previous post, authors are always asking me what they should do. But even the most insecure ones never ask what they shouldn't. And they really ought to, because there are sooo many ways to screw up. So here's a list, based on personal observation. (Yes, authors really do these things.)

What Not to Do in the 6 Months Before/After Pub Date:
  1. Get married.
  2. Have a baby.
  3. Move.
  4. Go on a honeymoon.
  5. Take a long sea voyage.
  6. Start a new job that doesn't allow you to take time off for book promotion.
  7. Piss off your publicist, editor, or agent.
  8. Change your primary email address.
  9. Have major surgery.
  10. Die.
For a list of Do's, see my Author Behavior Guide.

4 comments:

Christian said...

You forgot "Go to jail."

Or does that just boost sales?

Bella Stander said...

Hadn't thought of that! Depends on the crime, but it's hard to do a book tour from jail.

Eric Riback said...

Depends also on the subject, too. Right subject and ability to do phone interviews from the clink (will radio stations accept collect calls?): could be a PR bonanza!

Lisa said...

Great thoughts all. I'll bet there are a few more that might be worth mentioning. Don't:

1. Get a large tattoo on your face
2. Join the Marine Corps
3. Shave your eyebrows off
4. Enter a convent
5. Insist people address you only as "your royal highness"
6. Begin speaking with a heavy French or Russian accent (unless you're French or Russian)
7. Adopt a pet rat and carry it with you everywhere
8. Wear wax vampire fangs at all times
9. Take up drinking absinthe
10. Pretend you have Tourette's syndrome when in public places

Some of these aren't intuitively obvious and I just want to save others the kind of mistakes I'd be inclined to make.