Russian Around the Kitchen

Whenever I prepare a huge meal--Thanksgiving, Passover--I need music to cook by. Loud. One time I had the Stray Cats' "Rock This Town" blasting so hard that the Boy Wonder could hear it 50 yards down the street.

It was just us three for Thanksgiving, as everyone turned down our invitations and we weren't asked anywhere. (SIGH...) But I went ahead with plans to make dinner with all the fixings: turkey, rice stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, garlicky cranberry chutney (recipe here, but the vinegar is omitted in the cooking directions), green beans, salad and apple walnut brandy cake.

Well-caffeinated (I recently bought a stove-top cappuccino maker on eBay), at 9:45 a.m. I prepared for the kitchen onslaught.

First order: music. Darling Husband had a wicked headache, so rock 'n' roll was out. I'd been in the mood for Russian music since hearing a snatch of Prokofiev's "Lieutenant Kizheh" on the radio the other day. So I headed to our music library (thanks to DH, we have a vast collection of CDs and vinyl, though I supplied much of the classical and funk), then cranked up the Russkis:

1. Tchaikovsky, Symphony No. 6 ("Pathétique") and "Romeo & Juliet"
2. Prokofiev, "Ivan the Terrible," "Alexander Nevsky" and "Lieutenant Kizheh"
3. Rimsky-Korsakov, "Scheherazade" and "Russian Easter Overture"
4. Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor
   

I discovered that the Troika in "Lieutenant Kizheh" (used in Woody Allen's "Love and Death") has a perfect beat for chopping vegetables, though doesn't roust BW out of bed (directly above the stereo) the way P-Funk's "Get Up for the Down Stroke" does. The Rachminoff was great for tablesetting, gravy-making and salad-making (DH's job).

For variety, the last CD I put on was Beethoven's 9th Symphony, conducted by Leonard Bernstein with a cast of thousands in Berlin on Christmas 1989. We chanced to sit down just as the "Ode to Freedom" began. (The "Ode to Joy" was retitled for that performance, in honor of the Berlin Wall coming down.) What inspiring music for Thanksgiving!

I said, "Was Beethoven deaf when he wrote this?"

DH answered, "Yeah, that's why it's so loud!"

I lowered the volume and we had a very joyous and thankful meal. Delicious too; which is a good thing, as we'll be eating leftovers for a week.

Next-day Update:
The apple walnut brandy cake (I used cognac) was a huge hit, especially with the Boy Wonder. Darling Husband and I had one piece each last night, and this morning the cake was half gone.

Which Quote Is More Nauseating?

Sometimes I regret reading the paper over breakfast, when I come across stories such as To Buy Children’s Gifts, Mothers Do Without. Cue the icky-sticky strings:

Come Christmas, McKenna Hunt, a gregarious little girl from Safety Harbor, Fla., will receive the play kitchen and the Elmo doll she wants. But her mother, Kristen Hunt, will go without the designer jeans she covets this season....

“I want her to be able to look back,” Ms. Hunt declared, “and say, ‘Even though they were tough times, my mom was still able to give me stuff.’ ”

Martyr mom Kristen Hunt with the all-important stuff she bought her daughter for Xmas. (Instead of buying a play kitchen, why not save the money and just--gasp!--spend time with the kid in the real kitchen and--double gasp!--teach her to cook?) Photo for NYT by Charity Beck.

On the other hand, there's On the Block: Anarchy and Nostalgia, about Christie's recent auction of punk memorabilia. Cue The Ramones!

“I lived through it, and now I can afford it,” said [Scott Wittman, Tony- and Grammy-winning composer and lyricist for “Hairspray”], who like many of the buyers viewed the sale as not just music history but also New York City history.

“I look at it as revisiting my youth,” he added. “I ran into John Varvatos,” the designer whose pricey boutique now occupies the former CBGB space on the Bowery, “and I said, ‘I used to throw up in that corner.’ It brings a tear to my eye.”

The infamous men's john at CBGB, courtesy of urinal.net. (The women's was just as terrifying. I made it a point to go at home, a few blocks away, before I went to the club. And to drink as little as possible once there.)

How Not to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner 2

Laurie Puhn, author (INSTANT PERSUASION), attorney & mediator, has 10 Things to Say to Keep the Peace. My favorite:

“Thank you for your opinion. I’ll think about it.” When you receive unsolicited advice at a family gathering, such as Aunt Sylvia’s suggestion that you change your hairstyle, just smile and respond with this casual conversation terminator. If you’re rudely asked a question like, “Are you still single?” don’t reply with a lengthy excuse. Say, “Yes, and I’ll let you know if anything changes.” The goal is to be polite and end the conversation. There is no need to be defensive or rude.

Ah yes, how well I remember being asked, "Why doesn't a pretty girl like you have a boyfriend?" And later: "Why are you still single?"

I believe I may have once or twice replied, "Because I'm an awful person." An intensely satisfying, if not altogether peaceable & polite, conversation ender.

Renaissance Woman

I never conduct my L.A. workshops without the presence of Kim Dower, better known as Kim from L.A. Turns out that not only is she one of the best book publicists in the West, but she's a damn fine poet too. She's the latest writer to be showcased reading work al fresco in Guerrilla Reads, an "online video literary magazine."

Life Lessons

Today's NY Times has a profile of Valerie Jarrett: An Old Hometown Mentor, Still at Obama's Side. Vernon Jordan (remember him from the Clinton White House?) says of Jarrett, who's a cousin of his wife's:

“What Valerie developed is the art of telling people to go to hell and making them look forward to the trip.”

Jarrett keeps a list of 21 aphorisms--"life lessons"--on her hard drive, which she cites in speeches, including:

• All leaders are passionate about their beliefs, even the ones you don’t like.
• Put yourself in the path of lightning.

I also have favorite aphorisms, devised by my very own self:

• The world is filled with wankers.
• When the going gets tough, the tough go to bed.
  

The Friday before Election Day, I went to a (packed!) women's luncheon with Gloria Steinem as the keynote speaker, introduced by author and member of Denver Literary Ladies Luncheon, Debra Fine. The last question from the audience was posed by Andrea Joy Cohen MD, another LLL member and author of A BLESSING IN DISGUISE: 39 Life Lessons from Today's Greatest Teachers.

"What life lesson have you learned?" Andrea asked.

Steinem's response brought down the house:

"If you're part of the wrong group, nothing you do will be right. So you might as well do what you fucking well please."

How Not to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner

Debra Fine, author (THE FINE ART OF SMALL TALK), public speaker extraordinaire and member of the Denver Literary Ladies Luncheon, will be making her 7th "Today Show" appearance, on Thanksgiving morning at 8:09 a.m. (all time zones).

Tune in if you (or your offspring) need a refresher on what NOT to say at the Thanksgiving table. Example:

"Do you actually prefer Cool Whip, or do you just not know how to make whipped cream from scratch?"

Last Chance to Hear Me Phone It In

I'm giving my last Book Promotion 101 TeleSeminar of the year tomorrow, Friday Nov 21, 6-7:30pm Eastern (3-4:30 Pacific). Participation is limited to 10 authors, but there's still room for last-minute additions. (Translation: registration has been light.)

90 minutes, 90 bucks; includes 15-minute individual follow-up consultation. Such a steal! Details here.

Virtual--and Visual--Treasure Trove

The LIFE magazine photo archive, with millions of photos (some never published), is now online--and best of all, searchable--via Google. Start looking HERE.

I searched for "stander" and found pix of my father I'd never seen before. The one above is by famed photographer Gordon Parks, taken in May 1950 on the NYC set of St. Benny the Dip. Dad played one of a group of cons (a "dip" is a pickpocket) who disguise themselves as clergymen. He's flanked by Roland Young (misidentified in archive caption as Charles Ruggles; I sent Google a note) and singer Dick Haymes.

Interracial Reading 2

Look how diverse I am!

Inspired equally by Carleen Brice's new blog, White Readers Meet Black Authors, and Stephen Colbert, here I am with NO PLACE SAFE by Kim Reid and NATIVE SON by Richard Wright.

More props: I did the first print interview with Edward P. Jones for THE KNOWN WORLD.

Coincidentally, my father was involved in the 1941 Broadway production of "Native Son." According to Hazel Rowley's biography of Richard Wright:

For once, the Mercury Theatre had no trouble attracting funding. Not with the name of Orson Welles -- the biggest man in Hollywood -- attached to the play. Lionel Stander, a left-wing actor known for his fundraising skills, easily persuaded the Hollywood investor Bern Bernard* to produce fifty-five thousand dollars.

Not so coincidentally, Kim Reid is a consulting client and fellow member of the Denver Literary Ladies Luncheon, as is Carleen.

*the show's associate producer, per Internet Broadway Database

Happy Birthday, EX-Senator Stevens!

Photo by Jim Lo Scalzo/Bloomberg News, via NY Times.

I'm going to bed soooooooooo happy tonight:

Stevens Loses Alaska Senate Race

Can't wait to see what Jon Stewart has to say about this tomorrow!

One down, two more to go... (that would be Saxby Chambliss and Norm Coleman)

First Obama, Now It's...Interracial Reading

Carleen Brice announces that December is National Buy a Book by a Black Author and Give it to Somebody Not Black Month. And she started a blog to go with it: White Readers Meet Black Authors. (LOVE the message in the url: welcomewhitefolks.)

[It's] the official invitation for EVERYBODY to check out the African American section of the bookstore. Every Tuesday I'll review/introduce a black author or comment on an issue about race and publishing. First up is starting a movement in which we all give a book by a black author to somebody who's not black for the holiday season.

This gives new meaning to "black and white and read all over."

Optimize Your Website

Check out Google's Search Engine Optimization Starter Guide. It's easy to understand, even for non-techies. I'm going to be directing my consulting clients to it (I put a link on my Resources page), as I constantly see author websites that have pages that are poorly titled and/or all have the same title. (The title is what's at the very top of your browser screen.)

For example, memoirist Jane Doe (name & book title changed to protect the guilty) currently has a home page titled, "Jane Doe, Writer." It should read, "Jane Doe, author of TOO CUTE: A Memoir."

The page with the nav bar link "About the Book" has the title "TOO CUTE." It should be, "About TOO CUTE: A Memoir by Jane Doe."

Jane's links page is titled "Links." Bad Jane! (More accurately: Bad Webmaster!) The title should be something like "Author Jane Doe: Links to My Favorite Websites."

The page labeled "About the Author" on the nav bar should be titled, "About Jane Doe, author of TOO CUTE: A Memoir."

And so on.

Gail Konop Baker Saves Thanksgiving!

I'm the only person in My Gracious Home who likes pumpkin pie, so it's fallen off the Thanksgiving menu. But what to replace it?

I'd been mulling ideas (I've had lots of thinking time on airplanes lately), but hadn't come up with anything other than apple pie. It's good, but hardly festive.

A few minutes ago I checked out the blog of consulting client Gail Konop Baker, author of CANCER IS A BITCH: Or, I’d Rather be Having a Mid-Life Crisis. And there, posted Nov 5, was the recipe for:

the BEST warm apple walnut brandy cake
IN THE UNIVERSE

Problem solved.

Lest We Forget

In honor of Veterans' Day, courtesy of The Guardian UK

Suicide in the Trenches
by Siegfried Sassoon

I knew a simple soldier boy
Who grinned at life in empty joy,
Slept soundly through the lonesome dark,
And whistled early with the lark.

In winter trenches, cowed and glum,
With crumps and lice and lack of rum,
He put a bullet through his brain.
No one spoke of him again.

You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye
Who cheer when soldier lads march by,
Sneak home and pray you'll never know
The hell where youth and laughter go.

Out of the Vaults

Since today is the 8th and my birthday, here's a photo of my dad that I recently bought in a batch from a collector. Alas, there's no caption or date on the back. All I know is that it's one of a series of publicity stills taken by a professional photog.

Edit: Note the cigarette; he died of lung cancer.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Eight years ago, I got the worst birthday present ever: George W. Bush. Worse yet, I had to wait a good (make that bad) month to get it. Four years ago, I got Bush again. Blech. But today, I woke up ecstatic that I'd finally gotten what I wanted: Barack Obama as president.

Last week, my mother and stepfather, who live in Maine, sent me a Tomato Card showing a smiling Obama in front of the Capitol, and in handwriting by his head: "Happy Birthday & all the Best! Barack Obama."

Inside was this message:

You have no idea how hard it was to get a very busy Barack Obama to sign your birthday card. But he knows how special you are to us, and we did promise to vote for him a few extra times.

A major advantage to living in the Mountain Time zone is getting "late-breaking" news well before bedtime, so we got the happy news, courtesy of Jon Stewart, at a civilized 9 pm. My stepfather told me Wednesday that he'd been too tired to stay up for Obama's acceptance speech. But then he woke up at 2 a.m., went downstairs and turned on the TV, just to make sure it was really true.

And here's another terrific birthday present:
Good ol' boy (read: cracker) Democrat turned Republican congressman Virgil Goode, who's represented Virginia's 5th district for lo these many years, was defeated in a squeaker by Tom Perriello. Overall margin of victory was a mere 745 votes, though in enlightened Charlottesville, my late home (also of Thomas Jefferson, in case anyone would let you forget) the vote was 15,908 to 3733. See results here.

Everywhere I've lived went for the Democrats this time: NY, DC, MD, NC, PA, ME, VA & CO. (I've lived in a lot places; no wonder I feel rootless.)

Incidentally, all the pundits failed to identify the real reason why Obama won: he got the "Boy Wonder bump."

We'd been keeping it under wraps, but my darling child has special mojo. The home team wins every college or professional sporting event he attends: UVa football, Penn State football, Atlanta Hawks and Denver Broncos. And both politicians he's worked for have won: Chris Romer and Barack Obama. In the primaries, BW worked for Obama in Iowa, Colorado, Pennsylvania & Texas. (Yeah, Hillary won PA, but Obama won Philadelphia, where BW was. And Obama ultimately picked up more delegates in TX via its 2-step process.)

Quote of the Day

From a Politico story about Rahm Emanuel, just named to be Obama's chief of staff:

Emanuel is dramatic, impatient, and profane, willing to speak truth to power in the crudest terms and the most difficult moments, as in the heat of the Monica Lewinsky scandal.

"You got it backwards," Emanuel, who is Jewish, reportedly told Clinton at the time. "You messed around with a Jewish girl, and now you're paying a goyish lawyer.”

What Do We Do Now?

The Onion has the best post-election headline:

Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job

And learn about the nationwide malaise in this video report:

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Bark Obama

"Street Fair" by The Sprinkle Brigade.

I was talking with the proprietor of a professional dogwalking service today. Her employees always write a note after each walk. A recent one read:

"Pooped by McCain yard sign. Good dog!"

Publicity Horrors: I Wanted the Other Kind of Press Conference!

This just in from an independent book publicist:

Few things are as scary as a client new to the book business, where there's an inverse proportion of knowledge to dreams. A sense of enthusiastic unreality, if you will.

The book? A nonfiction title discussing political movements among under-30 voters.

The company? Owned and operated by a 28-year-old.

The goals? Publicity for a book by a new author and new company.

The task? A press conference. Old style, with big-name talkers introducing the author.

When advised about the lack of worth for this type of publicity for a book -- after all, press conferences are for court cases, politicians and the Beatles -- the client insisted on forging ahead.

Hours upon hours spent on the set-up: calling dozens of media, finding the perfect room, massaging the message.

The day came and drew dark. Podium, microphone, rows of folding chairs. The moderately famous person talked. So did the author. Then a few polite questions from a modest turnout of media. Then lights out.

The next day, the fury of the book company's young 'un: "What happened? What went wrong?" the beast railed to the hapless publicist.

"Did we not just have a press conference?" she wondered.

Turns out the book company owner wanted a press conference just like in the movies, with photographers flashing bulbs and rushing the podium, and reporters shouting over one another. In other words, complete pandemonium.

So to all of you gentle book people:
Beware of the non-knowing...they will eat your brains.

The Most Horrifying Press Release EVER

Neighbors pray at a makeshift memorial outside Jennifer Hudson's family home. Photo from Examiner.com.

As yet no one has responded to my call for publicity horror stories. I guess everything went great this year, notwithstanding the plummeting economy and layoffs at publishers and newspapers. But Darling Husband came to my rescue (as always), pointing my attention to The Bad Pitch Blog.

Y'know how you're supposed to make your book or product newsworthy by relating it to some current event? (You don't? Well, you are, and a great way to monitor news related to your topic, and journos/blogs covering it is to sign up for Google Alerts.)

Well, some enterprising ghoul decided to shill a shotgun rack (!!!) by tying it to the ghastly murders of singer Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother and nephew. Here's how the original press release (since amended in response to general outrage) blasts off:

Chicago, IL (MMD Newswire) October 28, 2008 -- Tragedy strikes in a Chicago home leaving 3 people dead and an Oscar winner forced to identify the bodies of her family.

Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother were gunned down in their home Friday. Could an invaluable device have saved their lives? It's called The BackUp and it is a bedside shotgun rack.

In addition to its complete absence of taste, the press release omits some salient facts:

1. Chicago bans handguns (and presumably shotguns).
2. Guns should be locked away in a home with children.
3. Per this timeline, the murderer hit the adult victims by shooting through a door around 8-9:00 a.m., when neither was in bed.
   

A Chicago Tribune story contains this tone-deaf bit of spin:

A. John Peters, president of Home Back-Up Protection, said Tuesday that he didn't issue the news release to capitalize on the Chicago family's pain.

"I really feel sorry for these people," said Peters, 60. "I just don't want this to happen to someone else. Sometimes I think people need to be hit between the eyes."

Bob Marley's Talking Points

Contrast and compare:



vs.

More Book Promotion Information Than You Require

Resident expert (and former literary agent) John Hodgman was on "The Daily Show" last week to tout his new book, MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE.

"Writing a book is the most important thing a human being can do," says Hodgman. "But literary immortality comes with a price: book promotion, the demeaning ritual known as 'the television appearance.' Where the solitary genius is forced to hold a conversation with the likes of...cable jester" Jon Stewart.

Watch as the self-proclaimed "brain candy" struts his stuff and offers "important tips to new authors on how best to sell your own work."

Scare Us Now!

It's that time of year again, when I seek out terrifying publicity stories to post for Halloween.

So send me your hair-raising tales of rampaging authors, power-mad publicists, berserk booksellers, ditzy event planners, wacko journalists, travel snafus and readers gone wild.

C'mon...it feels SOOO good to vent! (Anonymously, of course; confidentiality is guaranteed.)

Hot Client News

Barbara Carellas, author of URBAN TANTRA: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century has relaunched her UrbanTantra.org(asm!) website with a new design, fabu headshot (left) and a big announcement:

"Beginning this week—16 October to be exact—my very own radio show will premiere on Hay House Radio. It’s called Sex... with Barbara Carrellas (yes, we all love that double entendre). It will air every other Thursday at 9 am Pacific time and 12 noon Eastern time. If you miss the live show, you can listen to it in the archives by joining Hay House’s Wisdom community. This show is really a dream come true for me. Not only do I have a radio show where I can have intelligent and enlightening conversations about sex, it’s also on my dear friend Louise’s radio station. I am thrilled and proud to be part of this amazing community."

Photo: Barbara Nitke

Message to Colorado Voters: Mail it in!

The media have been reporting that voter registration is WAY up for the election next month. This will mean long lines at the polls. And the lines will be even longer here in Colorado due to the ridiculously long and cumbersome ballot.

Besides all the candidates running for election--president, senate, congress, school boards--there are many addenda and referenda, plus a list of sitting judges and a Denver school funding issue to decide on. Estimates are that it will take around 20 minutes for each person to vote at the polls. If they have to read through every single addendum and referendum proposal, I figure it'll be more like an hour.

This morning, it took me a good 30 minutes to fill out the densely printed ballot (2 pages & 4 sides). And that was with the help of a tub o' tea, the Blue Book from the CO Election Commission (which includes a handy "cheat sheet" inside the front cover) and the special section in today's Denver Post. (See Colorado Voter Guide that you can print out for your own cheat sheet. Ballotpedia has detailed analysis of ballot initiatives, searchable by state.)

So I STRONGLY urge you to get a mail-in ballot. If you haven't received an application form in the mail, or from the many volunteers blanketing the area, you can download one HERE. Then mail/fax it to your County Clerk; contact info HERE.

The mail-in ballot requires $1.17 postage. If you don't have stamps, or don't trust the USPS, you can drop off your ballot at the early voting stations listed on it, or at your neighborhood polling place on November 4.

Don't delay! Deadline for mail-in applications is October 28; in-person is Oct 31.

Here's to civic duty!

Corrected in Translation

In the September 15 issue of Publishers Weekly, THE BOOK OF LIES by Brad Meltzer is #2 on the hardcover bestsellers list. A sidebar informs us that in Meltzer's first book,

The Tenth Justice, the original opening lines are: "Ben Addison was sweating. Like a pig." In the Hebrew translation, it became: "Ben Addison was sweating. Like a horse." The author's not sure if it's a kosher thing or what.

Actually, it's a fact thing. Because PIGS DON'T SWEAT. Per the Wikipedia entry on Pig:

Pigs do not have functional sweat glands,^[4] so pigs cool themselves using water or mud during hot weather.

And as anyone who's been around horses knows, they sweat like crazy. One of the more arresting sights after a hot race or cross-country event is the horses being led around with one groom at their head and another at their hind end, holding a huge icebag wedged into their crotch. You'd think the horses would kick anyone who did such a thing, but they seem to enjoy it.

My Clients Are Real Winners

On Wednesday evening, consulting client Kim Reid won the Colorado Book Award in Nonfiction for her wonderful memoir, NO PLACE SAFE. Alas, I couldn't be there, as the awards ceremony was on the eve of Yom Kippur. (Apparently the organizers weren't thinking about The People of the Book.) Hooray for Kim!

And on Sept 25, client Carleen Brice won the African American Literary Awards Show prize for Break-out Novel of the Year for her lovely debut, ORANGE MINT AND HONEY. (Her 2nd novel, CHILDREN OF THE WATERS, will be released in July; read the prologue.) Hooray for Carleen!

Hint: The books would make excellent holiday presents. And they're in thrifty trade paperback!

Have You Read Your Book Lately?

Recently I had a consultation with a new client, "Jane Doe," whose first novel came out in hardcover last year. She wanted to discuss promotion options for the upcoming trade paperback.

I looked over Jane's website and suggested that she rewrite the book description on her home page. She'd lifted it from her publisher's catalog, and the first two sentences were in--eek!--passive voice. And the protagonist, who's also the narrator, wasn't even mentioned till the second paragraph.

How to fix the copy? First, I needed to know more about the book.

"Well, how old is your main character?" I asked.

Beat.

"Umm..." Jane racked her brain for a few seconds, then could only recall the nearest decade (as in 30-something).

I said, "If you want to do readings and interviews, don't you think you should know your own book? Journalists and audiences are going to ask you about it."

"Um, yes," she admitted sheepishly.

"Have you read your book lately?" I asked

"Um, no," she admitted, even more sheepishly.

I didn't blame Jane. She'd finished writing her novel more than two years ago and is hard at work at another one, in a different genre. Plus she'd recently gone through a lot of big changes in her life.

But still, I reminded her, if she's going to go on the road promoting her novel, her audience expects her to be the expert on it. So she'd damn well better know it, inside and out. And the way to do that is by rereading what she wrote. Now.

Gates of Repentance

I won't be going to Yom Kippur services again this year; I still can't sit long enough. Tomorrow I plan to keep the computer off and spend the day in the garden, making the weeds atone for invading my flower beds.

I love the Kol Nidre service, performed this evening, more than any other. Here's an exquisite rendition of the prayer:



Peace and good health to all.

5 Degrees to Obama

Yesterday morning I read the New York Times article about the relationship between Barack Obama and former Weather Underground member William Ayers, Obama and ’60s Bomber: A Look Into Crossed Paths. Buried deep in the piece was a name that made me sit up and take notice:

...in an armed robbery of a Brinks armored truck in Nanuet, N.Y., that involved Weather Underground members including Kathy Boudin and David Gilbert, two police officers and a Brinks guard were killed....

By the time of the Brinks robbery, [Bill Ayers] and Ms. Dohrn had emerged from underground to raise their two children, then Chesa Boudin, whose parents were imprisoned for their role in the heist.

My father's attorney for his 1953 HUAC testimony was Leonard Boudin. The last name is an unusual one, and I wondered whether he was related to Kathy. Google and the NYT to the rescue! Indeed, he was her father. Per a 2003 Thomas Powers NYT review of FAMILY CIRCLE: The Boudins and the Aristocracy of the Left, I further learned that Leonard was:

a genius of legal strategy who had long infuriated J. Edgar Hoover with his successful defenses of accused spies and the rights of dissenters.

Per Wikipedia, Leonard's clients included Paul Robeson, Daniel Ellsberg, Dr. Benjamin Spock, Julian Bond, William Sloan Coffin, and Philip Berrigan.

So I'm 5 degrees of (radical) separation from Barack Obama:
1. Dad
2. Leonard Boudin
3. Kathy Boudin
4. William Ayers
5. Barack Obama

(The Boy Wonder would probably tell me that I'm only 3 degrees from Obama, because he's met someone who's met him. But that's too easy and not as interesting--and he doesn't read my blog anyway.)

Best Headline of the Week

Stepping in Number Two
Colorful vice-presidential candidates are a great American tradition.

Thanks to National Review!

Chill Out with Karen Dionne

Backspace cofounder Karen Dionne is celebrating the launch of her debut thriller, FREEZING POINT, with an online party, Oct 1-3. See the festivities, including videos from other authors and a contest, here.

I'm too...er, delicate...to read thrillers (or watch scary and/or violent movies), but Karen's launch party website is a lot of fun.

Contrast & Compare

Today's Lunch Deluxe email newsletter from Publishers Marketplace was a study in contrasts, with these headlines:

Medina "Suspended" in UK
Director's Jesus Book a Dutch Bestseller

The Bookseller reports on THE JEWEL OF MEDINA, the novel about Muhammed's wife Aisha, whose UK publisher was firebombed over the weekend (see Quote for the Day--Make that Every Day). Ballantine dropped the book in the US, after a (Jewish!) advance reader warned that the book could foment trouble, then passed along word about it to a Muslim website, which was followed by--surprise!--incendiary attacks, rhetorical and actual.

The UK publication of The Jewel of Medina is in "suspended animation" according to Gibson Square's external sales team Compass, following this weekend's attempted attack on publisher Martin Rynja's house. Alan Jessop, m.d. of Compass, this morning (Tuesday 30th September) spoke to Rynja who said he would be taking some time out to decide whether to continue with plans to publish the controversial historial novel. Jessop said: "He is in good spirits, but has put publication in suspended animation while he reflects and takes advice on what the best foot forward is."

Then we have JESUS OF NAZARETH, co-written by Dutch director Paul Verhoeven, currently in its 4th printing in Holland "after a big promotional campaign." Per the Hollywood Reporter, "Verhoeven suggests that Jesus was the son of Mary and a Roman soldier who raped her."

WOW!!! Now that's incendiary! How interesting that there have been no reports so far of any arson, or even outrage. How wonderful it would be to live in a world where no author or publisher would have to fear censorship or violence.

On Copyright

Yesterday's post Values v. Reality prompted unpleasant comments from a reader, which led to the following email exchange with the editorial page editor of the Roanoke Times. I like the part about being polite.

RT: It is better form when reprinting commentary from another source to excerpt it with a link to the full piece.

Me: I am quite aware of good form, fair use and copyright, and usually do run just excerpts with links (e.g., my two blog posts today). However, since I had permission from Janis Jaquith--who I assume holds the copyright to her essay--to post her piece in full, I did so. If my assumption is incorrect, please let me know and I will revise the offending post.

RT: It's not a big deal to me one way or the other. We have no objection to people reprinting commentary with appropriate credit, which you gave. A reader wrote us, however, offended on our behalf by what you had done, so I thought I'd just drop you a polite note. Again, it's not a big thing to me either way.

A Thoughtful Xmas Gift for Mom & Dad

Writer Janis Jaquith forwarded me a hilarious job posting from Craigslist, Ready to Write About My Sex Life - But I Suck at Grammar. Seems that a woman who's been wearing out the Hollywood casting couch needs help with her memoirs:

...after my husband left me for another actress that he met on a new set, I began to write about the men I met in Santa Monica, my old marriage, and what brought me to LA. Sometimes steamy, often sexy, and very real, I have been writing many paragraphs, but I need help - Preferably from a woman with a healthy attitude about men, dating, romantic, often lusty encounters, and basically my very story about a girl that finds herself sleeping her way thru LA....

So I am looking for help, because I would like to self-publish my stories by Christmas and send them to my family for always being there for me.... Going back East to see people I haven't seen in a long time. Christmas is only three months away....

I see this as the jump-off for a novel, not a ghostwriting job.

Quote for the Day--Make that Every Day

"I don't spend my time worrying about how I'm going to live. I think a life where you can't express yourself and you can't speak is a life worse than death."

--Sherry Jones, author of THE JEWEL OF MEDINA

This quote is at the end of an article in the national edition of the New York Times, Attack on Publisher's House May Be Linked to Book About Muhammad and Wife. The home and headquarters of the London publisher, Gibson Square, was set on fire yesterday, via a fire bomb pushed through the mail slot. Police were already on the scene, so no one was hurt.

Here's a strange thing I just discovered: The quote isn't in the article online, which has had at least five grafs deleted.

Here are other passages that didn't make it to the NYT site:

[Jones] added, "I hope as many people read it as possible, so they can see my book has been lied about."...

[Eric M. Kampmann, president of Beaufort Books, which picked up THE JEWEL OF MEDINA after Ballantine canceled it] said that he still stood behind the book.

"We found it to be credible historical fiction, and the author to be a very open person who did not have an anti-Muslim ax to grind--probably the reverse," he said. "We became involved with the book because it was wrong that an American publisher would fail to stand up to a real or imagined threat."

See more about Jones and the firebombing in GalleyCat and UK Guardian.

Values v. Reality

My friend Janis Jaquith, in my former hometown of Charlottesville VA, writes:

Rather than preach to the choir, I wrote this piece hoping to reach the voters in the "reddest" areas of Virginia. The commentary appears in today's edition of The Roanoke Times.

What have Republicans done for you?

You know in your heart that homosexuality is unnatural, an abomination. You are foursquare against abortion and there's no doubt in your mind that Muslims are a foreign threat -- and it goes without saying that the United States is a Christian nation.

These are your most cherished values. What could be more natural than to vote for people who share your values? Someone you feel comfortable with. Someone like you.

This is a basic human instinct. We gravitate toward our own kind.

People who look like you, sound like you and think like you have been in charge of this country for nearly eight years now. As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' out for you?"

Do you have more money in the bank than you did in 2000? Is your job more secure? Is your medical care any easier to handle?

If you answered "no" to any of those questions, you may want to rethink the way you choose your leaders. Ask yourself what your congressman and your president have done to make your life better.

Do you feel safer than you did in 2000? I sure don't. And I have not seen a shred of evidence that Virgil Goode or Bob Goodlatte or George Bush have done a single thing -- made a law or put a policy in place -- to improve my life one iota.

Instead, I feel like my pocket has been picked. I feel like my own patriotism was used against me when they tricked me into supporting a war against Iraq -- a country that had, it turns out, not a thing to do with the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. And now, my tax dollars are stuffing the pockets of war profiteers like Halliburton and Blackwater. (And don't forget the high-rollers on Wall Street who are resting in a cushy safety net -- on our dime.)

Meanwhile, Virginia manufacturers have closed up shop and fled to other countries, leaving tons of Virginians high and dry. Why are there no effective trade policies or tax incentives in place to bring jobs back to Virginia? We've been without leadership for so long, we've forgotten what it looks like.

The fact that Goode and Goodlatte and Bush share their heartfelt values must be cold comfort for the legions of hard-working Virginians who are now either without a job or are under-employed. And the loss of Virginian lives in the ill-conceived Iraq war is too painful to think about.

Ask yourself: Are you better off now than you were before the Republicans took the wheel?

This Nov. 4, I'll pick my leaders by finding out which ones will make my life better. The candidates who advocate for ordinary, middle-class people, the ones who will keep us out of wars, help me get decent medical care for a fair price and allow my bank account to fill up again.

Will they be the candidates who also share my bedrock values? To tell you the truth, I really don't care.

Jaquith is a columnist for Charlottesville's newsweekly, The Hook. She has also been a frequent radio commentator for WVTF and for PRI's "Marketplace," and has appeared on NPR's "Day to Day."

Best Headline & Creepiest Story of the Month

I cracked up when I was reading a story on the Washington Post site and saw the below headline under the heading "People who read this also read..."

Wis. court: Cops illegally taped nursing home sex

Naturally, I clicked on the link (wouldn't you?), then exclaimed, "EWW!" at the lede:

Police who videotaped a man having sex with his comatose wife in her nursing home room violated his constitutional rights, an appeals court ruled Thursday.

EWWW!!, EWWW!!! EWWWWWW!!!! were my responses to the next few grafs:

David W. Johnson, 59, had an expectation to privacy when he visited his wife, a stroke victim, at Divine Savior Nursing Home in Portage, the District 4 Court of Appeals ruled. Therefore, police violated his Fourth Amendment rights against unreasonable searches when they installed a hidden video camera in the room, the court said.

"We are satisfied that Johnson's expectation of privacy while visiting his wife in her nursing home room is one that society would recognize as reasonable," the unanimous three-judge panel wrote.

The ruling means prosecutors cannot introduce the videotapes as evidence in their case against Johnson, who is charged with felony sexual assault for having intercourse with his wife without her consent at least three times in 2005.

I don't like to think of what Mr. Johnson would do at his wife's wake.

At Long Last, the Proper Palin is in the Running

The UK Guardian asks, Did John McCain pick the wrong Palin as his running mate?

The answer, of course, is an emphatic yes. Watch the reasons why:

Joke of the Day

From the wiseguys at Something Awful: The Internet Makes You Stupid, via the Boy Wonder:

Q: What's the difference between George W. Bush and Sarah Palin?

A: Lipstick!

For proof, see today's New York Times (Once Elected, Palin Hired Friends and Lashed Foes) and Washington Post (As Mayor of Wasilla, Palin Cut Own Duties, Left Trail of Bad Blood).

Meaning & Nothingness on a Friday Afternoon

Maybe it's the gloomy weather, maybe it's the political climate, but I was feeling kinda mopey. And as is my wont when feeling blue-ish (and not coincidentally procrastinating on writing my Great American Potboiler), I read Andrew Sullivan's blog. Which led me to this video: "Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life."

And now everything is illuminated...in pitch black.

Watch:

Hold the Phone for Book Promotion 101 TeleSeminar

In early June I did three "Promoting Like a Pro" phone-in seminars for the Authors Guild. They went so well that I decided to do them all by my very own self. So a little while ago I set up the first seminar through FreeConference. Here's the scoop:

Book Promotion 101 TeleSeminar
Date: Sunday, Sept. 28
Time: 3-4:30pm Eastern (12-1:30pm Pacific)
Price: $90
Registration limited to 10.

You get:

• The lowdown on promoting your book like a pro--the same as in my all-day workshop.
• Q&A session.
• Individual 15-minute follow-up consultation.
• First hour of additional consultation for $125 (a $25 discount).

Interested? Send an email to: blog (at) bellastander.com, with subject "TeleSeminar." Note: For commercially published authors only.

All DNC, All the Time 2: The Boy Wonder Hits the Big Time

Attendees at Barack Obama's acceptance speech at the DNC in Denver. That's my little boy at center. Photo by Kevin Moloney for the New York Times.

It was a good thing I'd finished my morning tub o' tea when I opened today's New York Times national edition to the politics pages, else I'd have spewed it when I got to the story at the top of page 20: Political Realities May Pose a Test to Obama’s Appeal to Young Voters.

Because the young man holding a flag front and center is none other than my own son, the Boy Wonder. In case you're wondering why he looks so much taller than everyone around him, it's because he is so much taller: 6'4". Thinner too: 130 lbs, despite eating four square meals a day, and then some. Hence his choice of T-shirt, whose logo can't be made out in the photo: "Giraffes United Against Ceiling Fans." (See it here at Threadless T-Shirts.)

The photo was on the NYT home page when the BW saw it late last night. Too bad he didn't get a screen shot, as it's since been replaced. But at least he had his 15 minutes of (anonymous) fame, and I'm sure the folks at Threadless are thrilled.

All DNC, All the Time 1

Downtown Denver, as viewed from Metro State Auraria on August 24.

In case you haven't heard, the Democratic National Convention has been in Denver this week. Casa Bella has been an unofficial rooming house for visiting Dems. Last Friday, we had two from Vermont: a delegate for one night and a volunteer press relations officer for a week. Sunday, a Democratic Party Girl came from LA; she's also here till tomorrow.

Sunday evening, DPG and I went to a National Jewish Democratic Council reception at the Golda Meir House (who knew?) at Metro State. The free reception followed a benefit screening of "Golda's Balcony," which we didn't attend on account of the $100 entry fee. (DPG noted that the film was shown in LA a year ago; I imagine for a lot less dough.)

Once we found our way to the party through the maze of construction sites and closed-off streets, you'd never know that I was the Denver resident and DPG the visitor. I didn't know a soul, whereas she hailed several old friends from her stint as a Senatorial aide, including "BC," a guy she'd dated. Then she discovered that another acquaintance there had also dated BC. Whoops! I was hoping that the two would down a few more glasses of wine and compare notes. Instead they quickly parted and worked separate sectors of the crowd. (I ran into BC at an event this morning, and believe me, the women--perhaps all women--are better off without him.)

Celebs in attendance (at least the ones I can remember), all of whom addressed the crowd:

• Valerie Harper, who played Golda Meir in "Golda's Balcony." I was standing next to her early on and we exchanged a few words.
• Michigan senator Carl Levin, who blasted Bush and his policies, especially the erosion of civil rights, and extolled the importance of a strong Israel, which Obama would support.
• California representative Henry Waxman, who likewise blasted Bush and extolled Israel, and is very, very short.
• Former secretary of state Madeleine Albright, ditto; taller than Waxman.
  
• New Jersey senator Frank Lautenberg, ditto, who was the tallest of the bunch and wore a sports jacket in a shade of blue not found in nature. Good thing the light was fading, else we'd all have been struck blind.
  

Another of DPG's old friends from the Hill is now the campaign manager for Bob Lord, who's running for Arizona's 3rd Congressional District, John McCain's old seat. While DPG talked with her pal, I chatted with Lord. It's not often (read: never) that I speak with a politician running for office, so I was fascinated to see how one ticks: always "on," intensely focused, relentlessly upbeat. I could do that for maybe a week; Lord has been doing it for 18 months. Imagine what it's like for a presidential candidate. Yeesh!

Medical News Flash!

Sometimes it's worthwhile to receive bulk emails from dog-knows-who. Today, one rolled in from eMedicine containing this urgent snippet:

Ten-minute leprosy diagnosis
A new dipstick assay offers up to 97% sensitivity in detecting Mycobacterium leprae–specific phenolic glycolipid-I (PGL-I) antibodies.

What a relief! The next time my digits start rotting and falling off, I'll know just what dipstick assay to request from my doctor.

Coming in Late in the Game...A Century Late

Thanks to a link at Booksquare, I came across Cinema stole my favourite books on the UK Guardian book blog. The subtitle to David Barnett's screed is:

I expended time and imagination to absorb these stories. Why should people be entitled to think they know them without putting in any effort?

He writes:

Can there be anything worse than lovingly engaging with a couple of hundred thousand words of prose over perhaps two or three weeks, drinking in the author's dialogue and descriptions, creating your own vision of the work in the privacy of your head, only to have every man and his dog (special offer on Tuesdays at your local Odeon) blast your intellectual ownership of the book out of the water after spending 90 minutes slobbing out in front of a cinema screen?

First of all, for someone who (apparently) makes his living by writing about books, Barnett is an awfully slow reader. Two to three weeks to read just one book?

Second, he's weighing in late, by about 100 years. The first film version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was made in 1912, and viewers only had to slob out for 12 minutes. L. Frank Baum, author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and sequels, adapted the series to film in 1908 and 1914. Greta Garbo starred in Anna Karenina in 1935; the film is #42 in the American Film Institute's 100 Years...100 Passions list of top love stories in American cinema.

Third, if Barnett thinks movie adaptations of books are so dumb (he cites "The Watchmen" as a major offender), why doesn't he just, you know, stay home and read?

Heartbreaking Quote

Tayari Jones has a link to an immeasurably sad story that ran in the Washington Post:
Soul Survivors: James Brown's Children Are in Court. They Might Have Settled for Love.

The article made me feel as though I and my 5 half-sisters from my father's many marriages got off easy, though I see a few parallels between his and Brown's personalities. One happy difference is that my dad wasn't the obsessively controlling type; another is that there wasn't a litigious free-for-all at his death.

Bass player Bootsy Collins, who played with Brown and then with my all-time favorite group, Parliament/Funkadelic, had this to say:

"I had this puppy I had when I was a kid in Cincinnati...And this puppy was really sick, and I took it to the vet, but they wouldn't admit him because, you know, I was a kid and I had no money. And this puppy died right there in the lobby. And I always felt that something like that happened to James Brown. That loss is unspeakable, and he just didn't want to be attached to anyone."

Ask Barbet Schroeder, Not Amy

What happens when a married guy gets hung up on a dominatrix; from the 1976 Barbet Schroeder film, "Maîtresse."

The Boy Wonder and I had a good laugh over the lede in today's Ask Amy:

Dear Amy: My husband of 20 years has basically left me for a woman who is a professional dominatrix. He has been seeing her for a year now.

Which reminded me:
Time to put Maîtresse in my Netflix queue. I saw the film in a theater with the Ex a gazillion years ago. We nearly died laughing when, at the end of a scene in which Gérard Depardieu emerges unscathed from a car crash, someone behind us said, "Nothing could kill that big lummox!"

Gotta love the costumes by Karl Lagerfeld, reverberations of which abounded in the ads and features in yesterday's NY Times women's fashion supplement.

Sour Grapes Morph into Egg on Face

Remember how last week publicists Kelley & Hall broadcast their bitter feelings over not being publicly acknowledged by THE LACE READER author Brunonia Barry for the work they did?

Well, the Aug 17 issue of the Cape Cod Times has a feature about Barry and the book: Salem author takes unusual path to publishing a best-seller.

Check out the lede in the fourth graf:

She and her husband also hired a public relations company, Kelley & Hall Book Publicity and Promotion in Marblehead.

Moral: Vent all you want, but don't click "Send."

The Soul of Indiscretion

Good thing I'd already downed my morning tub o' tea, else I would have sprayed it all over my laptop yesterday when I read the GalleyCat post, The Lace Reader's Dirty Linen. Seems that indie publicist Jocelyn Kelley of Kelley & Hall felt dissed by former client Brunonia "Sandy" Barry, whose self-published novel THE LACE READER, which K&H worked on, went on to get a $2.4 million advance from Morrow and is now a bestseller. (I've yet to read the copy that I picked up at the BEA Editor Buzz Forum. One of these days...)

So how did Kelley assuage her hurt feelings? Not in the honorable way: dishing with other publishing industry insiders late at night over a third (or sixth) round in a dark corner of a noisy bar. Instead, she wrote a lengthy tirade against Barry, which she sent to GalleyCat and at least one other NYC media outlet. (A reporter who covers publishing told me he'd gotten it too, and found it "creepy.")

Kelley ended her diatribe:

We have received absolutely no recognition from Sandy, her husband Gary, William Morrow or any of the news outlets who have covered this extraordinary situation. Why are the publicists the "dirty little invisible secret" in a books' success?

My first response was "OUCH!!!" which is how I began my comment on GalleyCat. I also wrote:

Going public with grievances--however justified--about a client is not the way to:

1) receive grateful acknowledgements from said cllent;
2) attract more clients.

Publicists may often be unsung heroes (I tell my clients to praise and thank theirs lavishly), but they are better described as the sparkly secret--or better yet, hidden weapon--in a book's success.

My second response was, "WHAT was she thinking?!" As one GalleyCat commenter wrote:

For all the work Kelley has done, she now sounds like a petulant dweeb. She's also shown potential clients that she can harness the power of the media to complain about them. Tsk...tsk.

My sentiments exactly. To mix and belabor metaphors, that dirty linen is going to bite Kelley in the ass, shoot her in the foot and then burn some bridges. HarperCollins won't be recommending Kelley & Hall to any of their authors, and neither will I.

Pinch-Hitting Can Be Fun!

Me and GalleyCat Ron Hogan. (Note the tan line on my wrist; I had just spent 2-1/2 days in Montauk.) Photo by Carolyn Burns Bass.

At the Backspace Writers Conference last week, I was slated to do just one program: "Promoting Like a Pro" on Friday morning. But when I stopped by for the Thursday afternoon mixer, I found out that MJ Rose & Doug Clegg had bailed on their "Buzz Your Book" program due to medical emergencies. So in the "show must go on" spirit (after all, the conference hotel was on Broadway), I offered to do a "Brainstorming with Bella" program so Rose & Clegg's 4pm slot wouldn't be empty.

I quickly jotted down an agenda and notes for the one-hour session, which I based on a segment of my Book Promotion 101 workshop. Then just as we were about to begin, Ron Hogan of GalleyCat volunteered to help out. He describes what happened next in Make Your Story Pitch Better, Faster, Stronger.

I sure am glad I'd stashed a big supply of Book Promotion 101 business cards & refrigerator magnets, plus Virginia Festival of the Book postcards, in my purse before I headed to the conference that day! Think I'll download some of my program spiels on my Palm PDA, so I'll be well prepared in case something like this happens again.

Everyone's a Critic

My friend Stefanie, Bennington MFA & artistic/social doyenne of Schuyler, VA, looked at the photo of Max & Jenny in my previous post (En Vacances) and offered this assessment:

Although I give them points for artistry, I’m afraid that the synchronization of their napping form is lacking. Orientation of one’s pose is SO important.

I watched synchronized diving today on the Olympics. (Like plain diving isn’t hard enough? They have to synchronize it?) It was quite interesting, and Onslow thought the divers did a pretty good job, although they didn’t have the effortlessness and sense of absolute stillness that make Onslow’s and Snickers's work such a joy to watch.

For those who don't recall the boys' oeuvre, here's a refresher:

Onslow (left) and perpetual houseguest Snickers practise their synchronized napping routine.

En Vacances

Max & Jenny guard my office.

Time for me to pack, then I'm outta here for Lawn Guyland tomorrow. And not a minute too soon: today and yesterday my backyard thermometer read 100F. Montauk forecast: 80. I pray to dog the heatwave breaks by the time I return to Denver.

In the meantime, here are links to some interesting items:

• Nice Jewish Boys Gone Wild - Podcast of a panel I moderated at the Virginia Festival of the Book in March, with Marc Estrin (The Lamentations of Julius Marantz), AJ Jacobs (The Year of Living Biblically), Peter Charles Melman (Landsman) and Adam Mansbach (The End of the Jews).
  
• How to Write a Great Mystery - On NPR, fave author Louis Bayard (The Black Tower, The Pale Blue Eye and Mr. Timothy) and Tana French (In the Woods and The Likeness) on creating the perfect whodunit.
• My Life in Sales - Ann Patchett on how the only thing worse than going on book tour is not going.
• Caregiver RANT - Here's where exhausted or frustrated caregivers can sound off anonymously.

They Knew We Were Coming

Darling Husband and I are off to Montauk tomorrow, after which I'll be speaking at the Backspace Writers Conference in NYC.

Look what's going to greet us at the beach:


The last time I went to Montauk, I was fresh off a job in the art department at Henson Associates. Looks to me like the Muppets' creature-makers have been at it again. Full story: Sea monster washes up on Gawker.

Update 8/8:
Aha! I know a workshop-created creature when I see one. Per today's Gawker, Hoaxes: Monster in a Hall of Mirrors.

Where I Won't Be Friday Night

Now that the Harry Potter series is officially done ("officially" because The Tales of Beedle the Bard will be published on December 4) the latest New Big Book Craze is for Stephenie Meyer's YA vampire/werewolf series, "Twilight." This one has passed me by because I couldn't couldn't care less about the undead genre, other than the Roman Polanski film, The Fearless Vampire Killers. (Best line: When a victim flashes a crucifix at a vampire rabbi, he says, "That von't voik!" and flashes his fangs for the kill.)

Nevertheless, Meyer's series has me really steamed. Why? For one thing, the high schooler heroine, who's in love with a vampire, HAS MY NAME. For another, per a NY Times column by Gail Collins, Bella's true love Edward

won’t have sex with her because he worries he might kill her with his superstrength in the heat of the moment. So, they are forced to spend all their time kissing and cuddling and talking about their feelings....

This sure sounds like trouble to me: A generation of guys who will settle for nothing less than a porn star meets a generation of women who expect their boyfriend to crawl through their bedroom window at night and just nuzzle gently until they fall asleep.

For the record, during my misspent youth I crawled out of my own bedroom (well, dorm room) window, and I expected a lot more than semi-conscious nuzzling for my pains.

Also for the record, I will NOT be among the hordes at the Tattered Cover tomorrow at midnight, as I was for Harry Potter's last bow. BREAKING DAWN will have to break without me.

Why I'll Never Go for Botox

Above left, a Botox patient photographed by Peter DaSilva for As Doctors Cater to Looks, Skin Patients Wait in Monday's New York Times.

Takeaway quote, from a medical ethics professor: “People who want their wrinkles fixed to go to a wedding should not be treated better than those who have psoriasis.”

Pictures above right, from the 1928 surrealist film, Un Chien Andalou (The Andalusian Dog) by Luis Buñuel and Salvador Dali.

I'm So Proud!

Kudos to these Book Promotion 101 clients:

• Karen Quinn's first novel, THE IVY CHRONICLES, has been picked up by Warner Bros., who's talking to Sarah Jessica Parker about starring after Catherine Zeta Jones bowed out. Jerry Weintraub, of "Ocean's Eleven" fame, is set to produce. Karen's third novel, HOLLY WOULD DREAM, came out in June.
• Doreen Orion's travel memoir, QUEEN OF THE ROAD, which debuted in early June, just went into its 5th printing.
• Carleen Brice's first novel, ORANGE MINT AND HONEY, was optioned by Lifetime TV for a movie, to be produced by Damon Lee ("Undercover Brother"--rent it now; it's a total hoot!).
  

Belated News Flash: I'm a Goddess!

Must be the heat, but I neglected to mention that workshop alum Micah Nathan (GODS OF ABERDEEN) did an email interview with me: Bella Stander, Publicity Goddess.

Micah wrote:

I initially scoffed when my former agent Marly Rusoff suggested I attend a publicity seminar for authors. My reasons for scoffing were fueled by ego and insecurity (sides of the same coin, of course), but Ms. Rusoff is a publishing genius, so I figured what the hell. Something good had to come out of four hours in a room with publicists, agents, and media coaches. [Actually it was eight hours; time goes by fast when you're having fun.] And lunch was included.

The seminar was called “Book Promotion 101,” created and moderated by the lovely Bella Stander, an incredibly bright, refreshingly blunt publicity guru who has the courage to blast apart authorly pretensions and replace those shattered delusions with good sense. Before Bella I thought my job as a writer began and ended with writing books. After Bella, I realized self-publicity isn’t something done by hacks or desperate salesmen—it’s as crucial a part of the publishing process as finding an agent, selling your book to a publisher, and making sure they spell your name right.

It's Hard Out There for a Book Publicist

I hear a lot of stories from authors about the dumb things their inhouse publicists do; or worse, how the publicists aren't doing much of anything at all. I've also experienced dumb author tricks up close and heard stories from publicists about even more. (See my publicity--and other--horror tales.)

So I read GalleyCat's Friday post, The Blame Game, with more than passing interest. GC co-editor Andy wrote:

At just about every publishing house I've worked at I've run into this problem of having too many books to publicize, as do most of my colleagues. Some you just have to send out into the ether blind, some you champion, others you do the bare minimum on because that's all the time you have. I've actually had my boss tell me to NOT do anything for a book because another book needed to take priority.

GalleyCat ran a poll asking "Who's to blame for book sales?" The single reason with the greatest number of votes--23%--was "The publisher has too many books on the list." However, 42% of the votes (including mine) went to "All of the above":

1. Sales didn't get enough books into stores.
2. The publicist dropped the ball.
3. The editor bought an unsellable book.
4. The publisher has too many books on the list.
5. The author wrote a dud.
6. The agent built up the author to be more than they were.

As counterpoint to the above, there are the two latest posts on slunch. On Friday, Deathtron wrote Why I Hate Book Publicity and will Never do it Again. The reasons, explained in the post:

1. The work never ends.
2. Too many books.
3. Unreasonable authors and their expectations.
4. Meetings.
5. Quality of life.
   

Yesterday, Ladytron posted her agreement:

Deathtron is right in the fact that we're all overworked, and that there are just too many damn books for anyone to do a decent job. But when one of the authors who I have focused on, who I have pitched to hundreds of outlets, who I have gone above and beyond for...well, when they question my "commitment" to a project. Yeah, it's enough to want me to throw in the towel....

Yes, your book is important. I get that. You wrote it, it means a lot to you, and I'm publicizing it.... WE ARE TRYING. And calls about how you think maybe we could try harder, or maybe we're not doing it right...well, it's not a motivator. It's a turnoff.

Falling In and Out of Love

News flash: Writing a novel is hard!

I've reviewed hundreds of books, some of them stinkers that made me proclaim, "I could write better than that." Now I have embarked on writing The Great American Potboiler (The Great American Novel is too much pressure) and it's taking a lot of time and effort. And that's just for the research. Oh, and much of what I've written is crap. But at least it's my crap, and as author MJ Rose observed in a Readerville forum several years ago, "It's easier to edit crap than air."

Via Editorial Ass, I found a terrific, funny post by Libba Bray, Writing a novel, a love story. Under deadline to finish the draft of a novel, she has:

become convinced that I could advertise on Craig's List for gangs of homeless gerbils to run across my keyboard in an agitated, looking-for-the-water-tube state, and they would do a better job. This is how it goes. Every. Single. Friggin'. Time.

In fact, writing a novel is very close to falling in love. How so? I'm glad you asked.

Bray then details the stages of love/novel writing, from The Beginning through First Draft, several Revisions ("F*@*#&ing book. I hate you. I wish I'd never met you. YOU MAKE MY LIFE HELL! HELL! I wish there were another word for hell but my thesaurus says there's not."), Third Draft, Final Drafts, Copy Edits and The Finished Book.